1 00:00:41,870 --> 00:00:43,790 Captain's log. Stardate, 2 00:00:43,790 --> 00:00:45,670 National Donut Day. 3 00:00:45,670 --> 00:00:48,750 We're under attack from a ship made of solid fire. 4 00:00:48,750 --> 00:00:52,090 All weapons simply pass through and come out the other end. 5 00:00:52,090 --> 00:00:55,180 Like that ball bearing I once mistook for a mint. 6 00:00:56,390 --> 00:00:58,300 It's a conundrum, Kif. 7 00:00:58,300 --> 00:00:59,930 Pray fetch my travel tub. 8 00:00:59,930 --> 00:01:02,350 I do my best thinking in the shower. 9 00:01:09,190 --> 00:01:12,320 Could you at least close the curtain, sir? 10 00:01:12,320 --> 00:01:14,320 Certainly. 11 00:01:14,320 --> 00:01:16,280 Lieutenant Kroker! 12 00:01:16,280 --> 00:01:18,910 You expect me to think without a loofah? 13 00:01:18,910 --> 00:01:21,120 - Where's my loofah? - What loofah? 14 00:01:21,120 --> 00:01:22,950 You! You're the loofah. 15 00:01:26,670 --> 00:01:29,750 Will you be quiet? I'm trying to think! 16 00:01:32,460 --> 00:01:34,260 Ah-ha! Water! 17 00:01:34,260 --> 00:01:36,130 Fire's mortal enemy! 18 00:01:36,130 --> 00:01:38,090 Lieutenant, fire water. 19 00:01:48,850 --> 00:01:51,650 What the? Who used up all the water? 20 00:01:51,650 --> 00:01:55,860 Your shower depleted the ship's three-year supply, sir. 21 00:01:57,490 --> 00:01:58,820 Well, no worries. 22 00:01:58,820 --> 00:02:01,120 I can end this battle with two words. 23 00:02:02,200 --> 00:02:04,040 "We surrender." 24 00:02:04,040 --> 00:02:06,500 Sign this certificate of defeat, 25 00:02:06,500 --> 00:02:08,120 so I can show my mom. 26 00:02:10,710 --> 00:02:12,630 Kif, my desk. 27 00:02:13,210 --> 00:02:16,970 I'll just put the old Zapp Hancock on it. 28 00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:19,380 Big confident dot on the I. 29 00:02:21,390 --> 00:02:24,470 Oh-ho. You're juicier than I thought, Kif. 30 00:02:35,360 --> 00:02:36,650 I have had it! 31 00:02:36,650 --> 00:02:39,950 - I'm through putting up with your... - crap! 32 00:02:39,950 --> 00:02:42,320 I'm filing a formal complaint! 33 00:02:42,320 --> 00:02:43,990 It's pronounced compliment. 34 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:49,540 And now, I am proud to present 35 00:02:49,540 --> 00:02:52,630 the monthly Only Good Employee of the Month Award. 36 00:02:52,630 --> 00:02:53,630 Yay. 37 00:02:53,630 --> 00:02:56,880 This month's recipient has the special distinction 38 00:02:56,880 --> 00:03:00,180 of also having won the award every previous month. 39 00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:02,010 Do you think it's me? 40 00:03:14,820 --> 00:03:16,820 Congratulations! 41 00:03:16,820 --> 00:03:18,070 Well done, Leela. 42 00:03:18,070 --> 00:03:20,650 You've reached the pinnacle of success 43 00:03:20,650 --> 00:03:23,820 in the stagnant, dead-end delivery business. 44 00:03:23,820 --> 00:03:25,990 You've really hit rock top! 45 00:03:25,990 --> 00:03:29,330 Thanks, everybody. It's a dream come true. 46 00:03:29,330 --> 00:03:32,750 A recurring dream. That I can't wake up from. 47 00:03:32,750 --> 00:03:33,750 Who wants cake? 48 00:03:33,750 --> 00:03:35,460 There's one handful left. I'll have it. 49 00:03:40,920 --> 00:03:43,510 I call this disciplinary hearing to order. 50 00:03:43,510 --> 00:03:46,720 Captain Brannigan, Lieutenant Kroker has made some serious, 51 00:03:46,720 --> 00:03:49,430 though somewhat amusing, allegations. 52 00:03:49,430 --> 00:03:50,520 Do you have counsel? 53 00:03:50,520 --> 00:03:52,140 I say, I say, present! 54 00:03:52,140 --> 00:03:54,520 Lieutenant Kroker, do you have counsel? 55 00:03:56,860 --> 00:03:59,150 You're representing both sides in this case? 56 00:03:59,150 --> 00:04:01,860 Till my wings give out, Your Honor. 57 00:04:01,860 --> 00:04:03,740 I'm going to allow this. 58 00:04:04,570 --> 00:04:07,160 Now, Mr. Kroker, please describe 59 00:04:07,160 --> 00:04:09,370 the horrific treatment you endured 60 00:04:09,370 --> 00:04:12,500 at the hands of my innocent other client there. 61 00:04:12,500 --> 00:04:15,710 He took a public shower and used me to... 62 00:04:15,710 --> 00:04:18,630 scrub his armpit. 63 00:04:18,630 --> 00:04:20,050 It was a joke. 64 00:04:20,050 --> 00:04:22,720 Literally everyone was laughing except Kif. 65 00:04:22,720 --> 00:04:26,090 He insisted on telling me his fantasies about my wife! 66 00:04:26,090 --> 00:04:28,100 That was just locker room talk. 67 00:04:28,100 --> 00:04:29,720 He wore greenface! 68 00:04:31,770 --> 00:04:34,730 It was a Halloween costume. 69 00:04:34,730 --> 00:04:38,360 He made me watch him perform an erotic fan dance 70 00:04:38,360 --> 00:04:41,740 with a ping-pong paddle and a no-show sock. 71 00:04:41,740 --> 00:04:43,740 It was a different time! 72 00:04:43,740 --> 00:04:45,200 It was yesterday! 73 00:04:45,200 --> 00:04:46,820 So you admit it! 74 00:04:46,820 --> 00:04:49,200 Your Honor, I have reached a verdict. 75 00:04:49,200 --> 00:04:52,330 I find my client, Zapp Brannigan, 76 00:04:52,330 --> 00:04:54,620 - guilty. - I'm going to allow this. 77 00:04:55,620 --> 00:04:58,540 Captain Brannigan, there is no room in this organization 78 00:04:58,540 --> 00:05:00,630 for bullying and harassment. 79 00:05:00,630 --> 00:05:03,670 Your egregious behavior cannot-- 80 00:05:03,670 --> 00:05:05,180 Why are you massaging me? 81 00:05:05,180 --> 00:05:06,890 You just seem so tense. 82 00:05:06,890 --> 00:05:10,060 Also, you should smile more. You're prettier when you smile. 83 00:05:10,890 --> 00:05:13,310 See? It's just nicer for everyone. 84 00:05:14,020 --> 00:05:16,100 It is therefore this court's judgment 85 00:05:16,100 --> 00:05:18,400 that you face the ultimate penalty. 86 00:05:18,400 --> 00:05:20,650 Dating a woman over 35? 87 00:05:20,650 --> 00:05:23,820 Zapp Brannigan, you are hereby... canceled. 88 00:05:24,820 --> 00:05:27,240 The second-worst punishment. 89 00:05:27,240 --> 00:05:28,780 You will be stripped of your title 90 00:05:28,780 --> 00:05:31,790 while you undergo mandatory sensitivity training. 91 00:05:31,790 --> 00:05:34,040 And for the duration of your cancellation, 92 00:05:34,040 --> 00:05:36,210 you shall wear the Scarlet C. 93 00:05:37,500 --> 00:05:41,300 I object to these frivolous, paltry charges. 94 00:05:41,300 --> 00:05:42,800 Frivolous poultry? 95 00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:45,010 You insult me, sir! 96 00:05:58,060 --> 00:05:59,860 Who is it? Poop? 97 00:05:59,860 --> 00:06:01,820 Captain Turanga Leela, 98 00:06:01,820 --> 00:06:04,400 you put in an application to be a DOOP pilot? 99 00:06:04,400 --> 00:06:06,740 Uh, yeah. Like an hour ago. 100 00:06:06,740 --> 00:06:07,780 You're hired. 101 00:06:13,450 --> 00:06:15,370 Captain of the Nimbus! 102 00:06:15,370 --> 00:06:17,710 So you're gonna be Kif's commanding lobster? 103 00:06:17,710 --> 00:06:19,250 Negative. Right? 104 00:06:19,250 --> 00:06:21,710 Affirmative. I'm taking some family leave, 105 00:06:21,710 --> 00:06:24,380 so I can get bossed around by someone I like. 106 00:06:24,380 --> 00:06:26,720 Psst. Stinky needs changing. 107 00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:28,930 But the DOOP did authorize me to bring along 108 00:06:28,930 --> 00:06:30,590 two trusted crew members. 109 00:06:30,590 --> 00:06:31,970 A first officer, 110 00:06:31,970 --> 00:06:34,100 which, in a bold command decision, 111 00:06:34,100 --> 00:06:35,100 will be Fry. 112 00:06:35,100 --> 00:06:36,390 Aw, thanks, honey. 113 00:06:36,390 --> 00:06:38,890 I mean, Captain Honey. Sir. 114 00:06:38,890 --> 00:06:40,650 And a Chief Science Officer. 115 00:06:41,270 --> 00:06:42,310 Professor-- 116 00:06:42,310 --> 00:06:46,030 I, Bender, humbly accept this prestigious appointment. 117 00:06:46,030 --> 00:06:48,280 Also, it comes with double salary. 118 00:06:48,280 --> 00:06:50,740 So long and good luck, you three. 119 00:06:50,740 --> 00:06:53,530 You have been an important part of the Planet Express family, 120 00:06:53,530 --> 00:06:55,950 and you'll be greatly missed. 121 00:06:57,960 --> 00:07:00,790 Next item of business. We have... 122 00:07:00,790 --> 00:07:03,420 one, two, three office chairs for sale. 123 00:07:08,220 --> 00:07:10,260 I'm here for the sensitivity training, 124 00:07:10,260 --> 00:07:13,220 and, uh, also, do you have a better-looking sister? 125 00:07:13,220 --> 00:07:15,100 Please go inside and take a seat. 126 00:07:15,100 --> 00:07:17,140 The training will begin shortly. 127 00:07:19,890 --> 00:07:21,730 Howdy, cancel mates. 128 00:07:21,730 --> 00:07:23,770 You wanna know why I got sent here? 129 00:07:23,770 --> 00:07:24,770 Nope. 130 00:07:24,770 --> 00:07:26,480 Indecent exposure! 131 00:07:30,740 --> 00:07:33,910 You all saw it, right? You wanna see it again? 132 00:07:33,910 --> 00:07:36,120 I could barely see it the first time. 133 00:07:36,120 --> 00:07:37,740 What?! 134 00:07:38,250 --> 00:07:39,790 I've seen brighter. 135 00:07:39,790 --> 00:07:41,750 Yeah, well, it's not about the brightness. 136 00:07:41,750 --> 00:07:43,580 It's about the color temperature! 137 00:07:43,580 --> 00:07:45,540 How 'bout you? What did you do? 138 00:07:45,540 --> 00:07:47,550 Meh, it was total BS. 139 00:07:47,550 --> 00:07:50,380 Some people "alleged" I was verbally abusive 140 00:07:50,380 --> 00:07:52,630 and threw food at my coworkers. 141 00:07:52,630 --> 00:07:54,760 I mean, a lot of people, actually. 142 00:07:54,760 --> 00:07:56,350 That's ridiculous. 143 00:07:56,350 --> 00:07:58,810 You're obviously not the type to waste food. 144 00:07:58,810 --> 00:08:01,940 You should talk, you family-sized bucket of lard-ass! 145 00:08:01,940 --> 00:08:03,230 Ow! 146 00:08:03,230 --> 00:08:05,270 That hurt in more ways than one. 147 00:08:05,270 --> 00:08:07,360 It hurt in two ways. 148 00:08:10,820 --> 00:08:14,320 Hello, class. I'm Dr. Kind, your sensitivity instructor. 149 00:08:14,320 --> 00:08:16,580 Wow, you're ugly. 150 00:08:16,580 --> 00:08:19,290 Oh! Now, we don't talk that way in here. 151 00:08:19,290 --> 00:08:21,160 This is a safe space. 152 00:08:21,160 --> 00:08:23,080 The fact is, sometimes, 153 00:08:23,080 --> 00:08:25,460 our words hurt other people, 154 00:08:25,460 --> 00:08:28,840 and we need to be made aware of how that feels. 155 00:08:31,260 --> 00:08:33,880 It feels like this! 156 00:08:33,880 --> 00:08:36,350 Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! 157 00:08:36,350 --> 00:08:38,720 This isn't some woke-ass seminar! 158 00:08:38,720 --> 00:08:42,560 This course will take the form of a simulated space mission, 159 00:08:42,560 --> 00:08:44,980 with me as your abusive captain! 160 00:08:44,980 --> 00:08:48,020 And you'll learn from the example I'm not setting! 161 00:08:48,020 --> 00:08:49,320 Ouch! 162 00:08:52,440 --> 00:08:55,110 Now, kindly follow me to the simulator. 163 00:08:55,780 --> 00:08:57,740 Ooh, careful. There's a step. 164 00:09:02,290 --> 00:09:04,580 This mission may be simulated, 165 00:09:04,580 --> 00:09:07,750 but my abuse will be very real. 166 00:09:07,750 --> 00:09:10,380 Set course for degradation! 167 00:09:10,380 --> 00:09:13,420 Hm, never been there. Sounds exotic. 168 00:09:15,220 --> 00:09:18,430 I'm pleased to have a civilian pilot of your caliber, Leela. 169 00:09:18,430 --> 00:09:20,720 The DOOP is rebranding to project an image 170 00:09:20,720 --> 00:09:23,640 of peaceful exploration rather than war. 171 00:09:23,640 --> 00:09:27,600 Also, we want to show we care about looking like we care about hiring women. 172 00:09:31,480 --> 00:09:33,490 Wow, it's huge! 173 00:09:33,490 --> 00:09:36,660 It's like a Princess cruise ship with laser cannons! 174 00:09:36,660 --> 00:09:38,280 I hope they have a kids' center. 175 00:09:38,280 --> 00:09:39,320 They don't. 176 00:09:39,320 --> 00:09:42,620 But there's a buffet with all-you-can-eat week-old sashimi. 177 00:09:42,620 --> 00:09:43,620 Score! 178 00:09:52,300 --> 00:09:53,670 I'm really nervous. 179 00:09:53,670 --> 00:09:55,470 What if I can't handle this? 180 00:09:55,470 --> 00:09:57,800 Leela, I know absolutely nothing, 181 00:09:57,800 --> 00:09:59,300 but I know one thing. 182 00:09:59,300 --> 00:10:01,010 You'll be great. 183 00:10:01,010 --> 00:10:03,810 Nimbus crew, I'm pleased to introduce 184 00:10:03,810 --> 00:10:05,850 Zapp Brannigan's replacement, 185 00:10:05,850 --> 00:10:08,190 Captain Turanga Leela. 186 00:10:09,940 --> 00:10:11,360 At ease, crew. 187 00:10:11,360 --> 00:10:14,610 I, um, I know I'm nothing like Zapp Brannigan, but I-- 188 00:10:22,870 --> 00:10:24,370 Dear Captain's Diary. 189 00:10:24,370 --> 00:10:26,790 If you're not me, don't read this. 190 00:10:26,790 --> 00:10:29,040 We're preparing to make first contact 191 00:10:29,040 --> 00:10:31,040 with a primitive civilization. 192 00:10:31,040 --> 00:10:33,750 Anyway, G2G. TTYL. 193 00:10:33,750 --> 00:10:35,960 PS, Fry looks cute. 194 00:10:38,260 --> 00:10:40,510 Captain, it's time to descend to the planet. 195 00:10:40,510 --> 00:10:42,180 Have you readied a shuttle-copter? 196 00:10:42,180 --> 00:10:44,010 I've been thinking about that. 197 00:10:44,010 --> 00:10:45,810 Maybe we shouldn't intimidate them 198 00:10:45,810 --> 00:10:47,430 with our advanced technology. 199 00:10:47,430 --> 00:10:48,440 Hm... 200 00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:51,230 Generally, I like to intimidate new civilizations, 201 00:10:51,230 --> 00:10:52,860 but what did you have in mind? 202 00:10:52,860 --> 00:10:54,400 A bucket on a rope. 203 00:10:55,940 --> 00:10:57,650 Sorry you can't come, Bender. 204 00:10:57,650 --> 00:11:00,200 Your robot technology might scare them. 205 00:11:02,700 --> 00:11:04,370 Safe travels. 206 00:11:07,040 --> 00:11:09,210 This was a clever idea, Captain. 207 00:11:09,210 --> 00:11:11,380 See, Leela? You're doing great. 208 00:11:16,000 --> 00:11:19,170 Hope my robot technology isn't scaring you. 209 00:11:19,170 --> 00:11:21,010 And now, to stop it. 210 00:11:35,360 --> 00:11:39,280 Hello! We are people from the sky who come in peace. 211 00:11:39,280 --> 00:11:41,570 They speak Tactillian. 212 00:11:42,660 --> 00:11:43,700 Ah! 213 00:11:43,700 --> 00:11:47,540 I am Airee, Quing of Planet Tactillia. 214 00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:49,250 For centuries, we have wondered 215 00:11:49,250 --> 00:11:51,500 if we are alone in the universe. 216 00:11:51,500 --> 00:11:54,630 But now, we know intelligent life exists, 217 00:11:54,630 --> 00:11:57,670 flying among the stars in a bucket. 218 00:11:57,670 --> 00:11:59,590 Welcome. 219 00:12:02,760 --> 00:12:06,510 The bucket people have unusual bodies, oh Quing. 220 00:12:06,510 --> 00:12:09,890 They have fewer knobs, but not none! 221 00:12:10,680 --> 00:12:13,600 Hey! Just 'cause I'm wearing a short skirt. 222 00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:15,270 No means no. 223 00:12:15,270 --> 00:12:18,400 Blech! What are you doing? Stop that! 224 00:12:18,400 --> 00:12:20,530 Captain! Respect their customs! 225 00:12:20,530 --> 00:12:23,490 We need to win the hearts and knobs of these people. 226 00:12:23,490 --> 00:12:25,620 But they're so grabby. Oops! 227 00:12:25,620 --> 00:12:27,450 Whee! 228 00:12:27,450 --> 00:12:29,580 Um... Quing Airee, 229 00:12:29,580 --> 00:12:31,710 we have important matters to discuss, 230 00:12:31,710 --> 00:12:33,210 but it may be difficult. 231 00:12:33,210 --> 00:12:36,540 Our civilizations are at very different levels of technology. 232 00:12:36,540 --> 00:12:39,300 No kidding. You traveled in a bucket. 233 00:12:39,300 --> 00:12:42,380 - Actually, that was-- - We have much to teach you. 234 00:12:48,810 --> 00:12:50,640 Brush harder, tubby! 235 00:12:50,640 --> 00:12:53,640 You can't yell at me. You're on your short arms. 236 00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:55,690 I yell at any height I want! 237 00:12:55,690 --> 00:12:57,810 You! Brush your teeth! 238 00:12:57,810 --> 00:12:58,900 I don't have teeth. 239 00:12:58,900 --> 00:13:00,730 Then brush my teeth! 240 00:13:00,730 --> 00:13:02,190 Damn, those are nice-- 241 00:13:02,190 --> 00:13:03,450 Whoa! 242 00:13:04,150 --> 00:13:07,490 You all think you've humiliated your crews. 243 00:13:07,490 --> 00:13:09,700 You ain't seen nothin'. 244 00:13:09,700 --> 00:13:12,120 I'm gonna do something so degrading 245 00:13:12,120 --> 00:13:14,580 that you'll never be the same! 246 00:13:14,580 --> 00:13:18,540 I'm going to take a shower... right here on the bridge! 247 00:13:19,800 --> 00:13:21,420 You sicken me. 248 00:13:27,890 --> 00:13:29,810 If you're wondering how our civilization 249 00:13:29,810 --> 00:13:32,060 - became so advanced... - We're not, but-- 250 00:13:32,060 --> 00:13:35,310 It's because we learned to harness pneumatic technology. 251 00:13:35,310 --> 00:13:38,150 All the sophisticated machinery you see 252 00:13:38,150 --> 00:13:39,900 is powered by air. 253 00:13:39,900 --> 00:13:41,020 I've heard of air. 254 00:13:43,320 --> 00:13:45,610 This is our main air power plant. 255 00:13:45,610 --> 00:13:48,620 The air blows through high-pressure transmission lines, 256 00:13:48,620 --> 00:13:51,200 so our citizens can power their appliances 257 00:13:51,200 --> 00:13:53,120 and inflate their meals. 258 00:13:53,120 --> 00:13:56,580 I'm fascinated by all this wonderful air. 259 00:13:56,580 --> 00:13:58,040 Where does it come from? 260 00:13:58,040 --> 00:13:59,630 I'm glad you asked. 261 00:14:03,510 --> 00:14:05,090 Behold! 262 00:14:05,090 --> 00:14:06,590 Oh no, wait. Hang on. 263 00:14:08,180 --> 00:14:09,600 Behold! 264 00:14:09,600 --> 00:14:12,430 The Great Blow Hole! 265 00:14:14,890 --> 00:14:17,230 Fresh from the hole. 266 00:14:17,230 --> 00:14:18,560 Whoa! 267 00:14:20,900 --> 00:14:22,270 This is kinda fun. 268 00:14:22,270 --> 00:14:24,190 Get out of our air! 269 00:14:27,030 --> 00:14:29,870 This is an amazing natural resource, Quing Airee. 270 00:14:29,870 --> 00:14:32,660 You should do everything in your power to protect it. 271 00:14:32,660 --> 00:14:34,870 Uh, Leela, a word. 272 00:14:35,750 --> 00:14:38,250 I may not have told you everything about this mission. 273 00:14:38,250 --> 00:14:40,380 These people are lovely and whatever. 274 00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:41,420 It's debatable. 275 00:14:41,420 --> 00:14:44,710 - We're really here for the air. - What? 276 00:14:44,710 --> 00:14:47,800 The whole core of this planet is frozen gas. 277 00:14:47,800 --> 00:14:50,680 It's like a slot machine that keeps paying out air! 278 00:14:50,680 --> 00:14:52,970 That sounds like a really boring casino. 279 00:14:52,970 --> 00:14:54,520 Have you been to space, Leela? 280 00:14:54,520 --> 00:14:56,270 Not a lotta air out there, 281 00:14:56,270 --> 00:14:59,020 and what we do have is, like, 50% burp. 282 00:14:59,020 --> 00:15:02,020 Which is why you must get them to sign this treaty 283 00:15:02,020 --> 00:15:03,860 granting us air rights. 284 00:15:03,860 --> 00:15:05,570 So, 285 00:15:05,570 --> 00:15:07,860 this peace mission isn't really about peace? 286 00:15:07,860 --> 00:15:09,450 Who said it's not about peace? 287 00:15:09,450 --> 00:15:11,410 It's entirely about peace. 288 00:15:11,410 --> 00:15:12,740 Also, air. 289 00:15:13,200 --> 00:15:16,370 Leela, sometimes we coerce people with war. 290 00:15:16,370 --> 00:15:18,370 Other times, we take the high road 291 00:15:18,370 --> 00:15:20,120 and trick them with peace. 292 00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:22,170 Excuse me. 293 00:15:28,220 --> 00:15:30,720 It is my great pleasure 294 00:15:30,720 --> 00:15:33,970 to sign this peace treaty with Captain Leela 295 00:15:33,970 --> 00:15:37,020 and her big bucket of space friends. 296 00:15:38,980 --> 00:15:41,900 Tradition dictates that the parties begin 297 00:15:41,900 --> 00:15:43,730 with the ritual knobbling. 298 00:15:45,570 --> 00:15:46,780 Uh... 299 00:15:46,780 --> 00:15:50,490 Our captain will gladly engage in the knobbling. 300 00:15:50,490 --> 00:15:52,360 I will? I'd rather not. 301 00:15:52,360 --> 00:15:54,320 I said knobble! 302 00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:59,040 Blech! 303 00:15:59,040 --> 00:16:01,460 It's starting to get real ripe in here. 304 00:16:01,460 --> 00:16:05,340 No offense, but could it possibly be all the food you threw? 305 00:16:05,340 --> 00:16:08,010 Let's find out. 306 00:16:08,010 --> 00:16:10,720 - Ow. - Man. It does stink. 307 00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:13,890 It's like rotten flesh floating in a puddle of vomit. 308 00:16:13,890 --> 00:16:15,680 You wish. 309 00:16:15,680 --> 00:16:17,010 It's a durian! 310 00:16:18,020 --> 00:16:18,890 No. 311 00:16:18,890 --> 00:16:20,390 Noooo! 312 00:16:20,390 --> 00:16:22,100 What's a durian, by the way? 313 00:16:22,100 --> 00:16:25,690 Earth's most putrid yet delicious fruit. 314 00:16:25,690 --> 00:16:29,230 So refreshing after a public shower. 315 00:16:31,450 --> 00:16:34,950 My God. It actually has stink lines. 316 00:16:34,950 --> 00:16:36,620 Tough it out, snowflake! 317 00:16:36,620 --> 00:16:40,410 Now you see how you've demoralized your own crews! 318 00:16:40,410 --> 00:16:43,460 Crews you expect to follow you into battle! 319 00:16:43,460 --> 00:16:46,210 At least with me in charge, they don't suffer long. 320 00:16:46,210 --> 00:16:49,460 Let's see how well you fight under these conditions. 321 00:16:49,460 --> 00:16:51,840 Crew to simulated battle stations! 322 00:16:51,840 --> 00:16:54,800 Captain Cranky! 90 degrees to starboard! 323 00:16:55,800 --> 00:16:58,140 Shields up, Flashnut! 324 00:16:58,140 --> 00:17:01,730 Fire simulated missile, you fat moron! 325 00:17:01,730 --> 00:17:03,520 So mean. 326 00:17:04,810 --> 00:17:07,810 That simulated ship looks a bit like my real ship, 327 00:17:07,810 --> 00:17:09,530 the Nimbus. 328 00:17:09,530 --> 00:17:11,190 Yes! Direct hit! 329 00:17:12,240 --> 00:17:15,450 Now, who's the fat, incontinent moron? 330 00:17:24,710 --> 00:17:26,210 Hey, man, that's catchy! 331 00:17:26,210 --> 00:17:29,000 What song is that playing on the emergency siren? 332 00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:31,670 It's the emergency siren! We're under attack! 333 00:17:31,670 --> 00:17:33,130 Ah! I'm getting outta here! 334 00:17:44,350 --> 00:17:46,650 We need this treaty, Leela. 335 00:17:46,650 --> 00:17:49,520 Act like a captain and start fondling knobs. 336 00:17:51,780 --> 00:17:55,530 On behalf of the Democratic Order of Planets, 337 00:17:55,530 --> 00:17:58,370 it is my honor to, respectfully, 338 00:17:58,370 --> 00:18:00,620 grope your slimy... 339 00:18:00,620 --> 00:18:03,290 I can't do it. 340 00:18:03,290 --> 00:18:06,580 Something just seems inappropriate. 341 00:18:06,580 --> 00:18:08,040 Possibly this thing. 342 00:18:15,630 --> 00:18:17,890 What a marvelous bucket. 343 00:18:19,970 --> 00:18:21,470 Jumping Judas. 344 00:18:21,470 --> 00:18:24,100 I've never seen a simulation so realistic. 345 00:18:24,100 --> 00:18:27,140 Is it "okay" to hit on a simulation? 346 00:18:27,140 --> 00:18:28,730 What is the meaning of this? 347 00:18:28,730 --> 00:18:30,980 I thought I canceled all four of you! 348 00:18:30,980 --> 00:18:33,860 Yes, but I hijacked this ship 349 00:18:33,860 --> 00:18:37,740 after hog-tying your pathetic sensitivity instructor! 350 00:18:39,570 --> 00:18:41,330 It was a teachable moment. 351 00:18:41,330 --> 00:18:42,990 So, our ship was real? 352 00:18:42,990 --> 00:18:45,290 And the simulation was simulated? 353 00:18:47,920 --> 00:18:51,880 No one cancels Dr. Gary Kind. 354 00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:54,760 - Who's the tall short guy? - Dr. Gary Kind, 355 00:18:54,760 --> 00:18:57,630 one of the DOOP's most notorious gropers. 356 00:18:57,630 --> 00:18:59,550 A groper? 357 00:19:04,810 --> 00:19:07,600 Now, this gentleman's a diplomat. 358 00:19:07,600 --> 00:19:11,520 You messed with the wrong doctor of botanical science. 359 00:19:11,520 --> 00:19:13,570 But I have with me a bio-weapon 360 00:19:13,570 --> 00:19:16,610 of inconceivable power! 361 00:19:16,610 --> 00:19:18,650 He's got something in his jacket! 362 00:19:18,650 --> 00:19:20,200 And so do I! 363 00:19:24,990 --> 00:19:28,330 Jeez. How many more durians does this guy have? 364 00:19:28,330 --> 00:19:32,330 One. Enough to befoul this planet's air supply 365 00:19:32,330 --> 00:19:33,840 for centuries! 366 00:19:35,210 --> 00:19:37,170 Gary, put down the durian. 367 00:19:37,170 --> 00:19:39,880 We swore never to use those in peacetime. 368 00:19:42,010 --> 00:19:45,510 Bender to Leela! The Nimbus came under attack about an hour ago! 369 00:19:45,510 --> 00:19:47,390 I probably should have called earlier. 370 00:19:47,390 --> 00:19:49,480 Be on the lookout for a small gunship 371 00:19:49,480 --> 00:19:52,400 about yea big from a million miles away. 372 00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:56,110 Captain Leela, command the Nimbus to fire on Dr. Kind. 373 00:19:57,150 --> 00:19:58,990 But, he's surrounded 374 00:19:58,990 --> 00:20:01,410 by those poor innocent pervs. 375 00:20:01,410 --> 00:20:03,070 They might get hurt. 376 00:20:03,070 --> 00:20:05,410 What a wimp! 377 00:20:05,410 --> 00:20:07,240 Captains need to be ruthless. 378 00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:09,250 Women belong in the kitchen, 379 00:20:09,250 --> 00:20:12,210 fixing me a sweet durian pie. 380 00:20:12,210 --> 00:20:14,290 That's an offensive stereotype. 381 00:20:14,290 --> 00:20:16,040 Leela's terrible at baking. 382 00:20:17,460 --> 00:20:20,720 Your eight-hour sensitivity training is complete. 383 00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:24,090 Please deposit me in the nearest recycling bin. 384 00:20:24,090 --> 00:20:25,350 No chance. 385 00:20:26,350 --> 00:20:29,470 Zapp Brannigan, having completed your rehabilitation, 386 00:20:29,470 --> 00:20:32,810 I hereby reinstate you as Captain of the Nimbus. 387 00:20:32,810 --> 00:20:34,650 Order your ship to fire! 388 00:20:34,650 --> 00:20:36,020 Uh, thank you, Glab, 389 00:20:36,020 --> 00:20:38,570 but, uh, I'm not sure I can do that. 390 00:20:38,570 --> 00:20:40,610 Dr. Kind taught me a lot. 391 00:20:40,610 --> 00:20:42,200 That's wonderful! 392 00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:45,700 I now know there's a difference between right and wrong. 393 00:20:46,620 --> 00:20:48,660 One of them gets you canceled. 394 00:20:50,580 --> 00:20:53,330 See what you get with PC culture? 395 00:20:53,330 --> 00:20:57,090 Weak captains too cowardly to shoot the helpless! 396 00:21:01,260 --> 00:21:03,970 Ah, what a beautiful night 397 00:21:03,970 --> 00:21:05,970 for smell-gazing. 398 00:21:09,310 --> 00:21:13,310 You should have shot me before I destroyed your precious air! 399 00:21:13,310 --> 00:21:17,060 If I were captain, I'd have fired without a second thought! 400 00:21:18,900 --> 00:21:22,190 Your eight-hour sensitivity training is complete. 401 00:21:22,190 --> 00:21:23,740 Please deposit me... 402 00:21:26,160 --> 00:21:29,490 Dr. Kind, having completed your rehabilitation, 403 00:21:29,490 --> 00:21:32,500 I name you Captain of the Nimbus. Order your ship to-- 404 00:21:32,500 --> 00:21:33,580 Fire! 405 00:21:53,730 --> 00:21:55,600 Leela, you're a hero! 406 00:21:58,150 --> 00:22:01,650 Quing Airee, I am now prepared to knobble. 407 00:22:01,650 --> 00:22:04,110 Don't mind the durian. 408 00:22:04,110 --> 00:22:07,990 I declare the groping optional. Where do I sign? 409 00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:16,540 In conclusion, 410 00:22:16,540 --> 00:22:18,670 I sincerely apologize 411 00:22:18,670 --> 00:22:21,090 to all those I've harmed. 412 00:22:21,090 --> 00:22:22,750 Especially Kif Kroker, 413 00:22:22,750 --> 00:22:25,300 the giant sex ladies of Amazonia, 414 00:22:25,300 --> 00:22:26,840 simulated Leela, 415 00:22:26,840 --> 00:22:30,050 and, of course, the late Dr. Kind. 416 00:22:30,050 --> 00:22:31,560 Yeah, baby! 417 00:22:34,100 --> 00:22:36,940 Move! This ceremony is for Leela. 418 00:22:36,940 --> 00:22:37,980 Captain Leela, 419 00:22:37,980 --> 00:22:41,440 having heroically secured our supply of space air, 420 00:22:41,440 --> 00:22:44,360 I present you the DOOP's highest honor, 421 00:22:44,360 --> 00:22:46,110 the Medal of Valor. 422 00:22:49,030 --> 00:22:51,330 It's pronounced velour. 423 00:22:51,330 --> 00:22:54,870 Your refusal to shoot unarmed civilians when ordered 424 00:22:54,870 --> 00:22:57,080 was an inspiration to us all, 425 00:22:57,080 --> 00:22:59,880 as well as grounds for a dishonorable discharge! 426 00:22:59,880 --> 00:23:03,000 What do you think this is, the Peace Corps? Get out! 427 00:23:07,260 --> 00:23:10,720 I guess I just don't have what it takes to be a DOOP captain. 428 00:23:10,720 --> 00:23:12,970 No, you have something better. 429 00:23:12,970 --> 00:23:15,060 You have what it takes to be Leela. 430 00:23:24,440 --> 00:23:26,240 Yum. Durian! 431 00:23:26,240 --> 00:23:29,450 May I slurp your cheek clean with my tendrils? 432 00:23:29,450 --> 00:23:33,160 Eh, sure. And thanks for asking first. 433 00:23:34,280 --> 00:23:36,120 Ew, blech! 434 00:23:36,120 --> 00:23:38,410 But also yum.